Dealing With Differences   by Dr. Charles Sophy

Dealing with Differences

Too tall, too skinny, too short, too fat! This may sound like a list you'd hear on the playground but isn't it the same tape many adults have running in their heads? Chances are, most adults have carried at least one of these internal taunts around since they were children. And your children may be hearing the same taunts. How can you stop it? In this article you'll learn how to make children love their differences.

Let's meet Chris. Chris is a 10 year-old boy. It's the second week of school and Eddie is pestering him at recess. "You're so short you don't exist." "What?" Chris says. "You heard me," Eddie says. "You're so short worms look down on you." Chris is dazed. As he walks away, Eddie's laughter follows him. Later at home Chris tells Mom what happened. "Well, one thing's for sure," Mom says. "It has nothing to do with you." "But Mom, Eddie's right. I'm the shortest kid in my class." "Listen, Chris. I don't know why Eddie was rude today, but it's not your height." "But I'm short." "Everyone grows at different rates. Anyway, it's our differences that make us worth knowing." "But it won't matter if I'm so short I don't exist." "Right. But you do exist and look at all the things you can do: Cross your eyes, burp your name, ride a horse, dance the Fandango..." "Yeah. But I'm still short." "Well, what can you do right now that you won't be able to do when you're taller?" "I can hide in my toy chest when you want me to do chores." "Or crawl under the car to help me change the oil." "I can stretch full out on the couch waiting for the school bus." "And slip through the crack in the school wall when you're running late." "Okay, okay," Chris says. "But that won't help when I'm older." "Don't worry about when you're older. Enjoy yourself as you are." "But what about Eddie?" "If he keeps bothering you tell him to stop. If he doesn't I'll talk to his parents. But remember. People tease each other when they hurt inside. It's not about you. You're terrific and you always will be."

Tips:

Model Self-Acceptance: Guess who your kids think is a hero? You. For one thing, you're an adult. For another thing, you have the ability to care for them and the authority to teach them how to care for themselves. They may not always show it, but deep down they look for your approval. Be a hero and teach your kids to love themselves by loving yourself.

Celebrate Differences: Help kids accept themselves and their differences. In our story, Chris is worried about his height. Mom shows Chris that his height is an asset. But she stresses that Chris should accept himself no matter what. List a few of your kids' assets. Focus on traits that are unusual. Celebrate their differences and talk them up when they're feeling low.

Be Happy: Help your kids be happy and focus on finding joy in themselves and others. Real beauty comes from inside. How your kids feel about themselves is far more important than their body shape, color, size, or ability. Find ways to help your kids feel great about themselves and everything else will fall into place.

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Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.

About the Author

Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.

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